It was a terrible time. But in the end I got over it.
Dad was brilliant student and a disciplined hard worker. His studies disrupted by WWII, he still managed to study up and score a scholarship to Manchester Uni. to do Chemical Engineering- this he did - and came out with a Masters- then a PhD in record time. Came back got a top job with Shell, etc.. Me? I was still struggling to finish my damn MA thesis when he passed away.
Unfortunately we weren't close. I wouldn't be surprised if he despised me. (Strangely, doesn't bother me now) I was very much different from dad in many ways. I'm a slow learner and need everything explained to me at the start. He just picked it up and ran. I'm spontaneous, instinctive; he was more methodological.
He didn't teach me much. It was actually frightening when he tried. He'd go thru some math sums with me - and just get so exasperated that I didn't understand. Memo to parents - Yelling at a kid won't help them understand math any faster but will certainly drive their self-esteem lower.
What else? Didn't play ball with me. Despite being a top tennis and badminton player- nope not interested. Wasn't really his style. He learnt everything- by himself - and expected us to do the same. Do it yourself was his catch-cry. Strange though, he would be willing to teach other people.
He was a pretty good tennis player- and when he got older he switched to badminton- together with Uncle See Tong- they won the competitions year after year- against men half their age.
He did teach me how to play chess- taught that to me at age 5 or 4. But he seemed to relish beating the crap out of me. He hated losing. Then when I started beating him at chess - he lost interest in the game. lol. Maybe its a coincidence eh?
We never ever had a father-to-son, heart to heart discussion. He didn't really seem at all interested in what I liked. But then again, his father (my grandfather) was worse- distant, impersonal, and only interested in what he had in his own two hands. He rarely communicated with us. Sadly, on his death bed, Kong Kong died with tears in his eyes trying to scribble a message. He couldn't do it; God knows what he wanted to write or say.
Apparently I'm the splitting image of dad- check out the photo. it was taken when dad was about 16 years old. Quite alike huh?
Dad was an exercise and health nut. He'd go running virtually everyday. He'd outrun 18 and 20 year old men when he was 60. When we had a dog, a Doberman, he used to take it running- but stopped when - it nearly got mauled by the neighbors' dogs one day. He had to pick up our dog and run to escape. But man, what he an exercise freak. He was fretting over eating biscuits in hospital because he was worried he'd get fat - he was already dangerously low in weight.
He was also very careful over the sorts of food he ate. I remember once we ate soya bean soup as part of our main meal for an entire year- cos he reckoned it had various benefits.
It didn't help him though. He didn't smoke, drink etc.. But he died from pancreatic cancer - that must have pissed him off so much to know that despite all the exercises he done- it didn't much help. He used to laugh at some of his peers who were overweight, unfit, on medication - they're still alive today though. The irony. Today I try very hard not to mock other people's failings.
He was also a supporter for the underdog- and for just causes despite all the overwhelming opposition. You've got to give him that. We Chiams have a tradition of supporting lost just causes. My Great-Grandfather - Chiam Seng Po, Pastor, Confucian Scholar, Poet, Rebel, apparently took part in an uprising against the Manchus. It failed. That's how we ended up here in Singapore.
But life goes on, y'know. You learn whatever you can from the past, from your parents, try not to repeat their mistakes and try and not make new ones of your own.
I wonder how I'll make my end. I thought that if I ever developed cancer or some form of incurable disease- I'd take a trip to the North or South Pole by myself of course - somewhere white and very cold. And just go for a last walk with a handful of painkillers. How morbid. Sorry.
Nonetheless, I got to hand it to him- he had vision and foresight- and if it wasn't for his efforts- I'd be god knows where by now. I've also inherited quite a lot of stuff from him- one of them being good genes- god knows why, but we don't age. Dad never bothered with sunscreen or any creams or tonics- but his hair was still jet black when he died- and his eye sight actually improved as he grew older. He looked like he was in his 40s when he passed away at age 65. I regularly get mistaken for being 10 - 20 years younger. :) I wonder whether I'll still look this way when I reach 100... anyone seen the movie Highlander? heehee...
So cheers to you Dad. Happy Father's Day.
2 comments:
Thanks for sharing the story about your father. He sounds like an interesting self-made man.
You said that your dad might have despised you. I don't know if it is true but I always thought it was chinese culture not to praise your children and push them to work harder. Many of my friends said the same about their fathers being distant- it was only later that they understood this.
You do indeed look like your father - the nose, eyes everything. From your blog, you seem to be living a full, rich and fufilling life - diving in the most beautiful places. ..sort of different from your dad's. Don't really know how old you are, but from your pictures, you look like 26 or 27. ..
Instead of cancer, for my family it is heart attacks. My uncle died of a heart attack at 37, my grandfather at 32 ...my dad had 2 heart attacks already but survived them, he is now 64. I haven't exercised for 7 years...I'm really pushing my luck.
Like reading your blog...please continue writing.
Thanks for the nice comments. Sorry to hear about your family's tendency for heart problems. I'd try to cut out the usual suspects from the diet- fatty foods, cholesterol, and try and do some regular exercising. Ever since I got back to the gym, its been easier for me to diet- cos my body knows how hard it is to burn off that fat. It seems to get easier to live a healthier lifestyle.
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