Tuesday, September 24, 2013

What women /men want

That's the eternal question isn't it?

What do women want?

What do men want?

There is literally a whole industry devoted to this. Perhaps one of the more repugnant ones is the Pick Up Artist (PUA) industry whose proponents teach that it is possible to "game" people, press their buttons, seduce them, manipulate them etc..

I've read some of the stuff - and it is tempting to believe that there is a magic way - a sexual "Arbra-ka-dah-bra" to open up a women's (men's) heart. Say the right phrase, ask the right questions... or the more sophisticated ones - be confident, bold, exude the right amount of arrogance and charm - seems to be a phony game to me.

The more I think about it - the more I wonder whether these so-called pick-up artists - are successful because they are finding vulnerable people. People who at that moment in their lives are just open for suggestion and for manipulation. And then there is the whole ethical dilemma - which may concern you if you are a good person - whether you should participate in this cruel con game which preys on the weak.

Having said that - the question "what do people want?" is about as useful as asking "what job people want?" or "what car do they want to drive?" or "what is your favorite color?"

I think the more important question is "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" and that will determine all the rest.

I've got a number of friends who love to tell me what to do with my life. They want me to change my car. They want me to go to discos. No doubt they are concerned about me. But at the same time I realize - this is what they want. It is not necessarily what I want. I've had to distance myself from a number of them - good as their intentions may be - because I don't want to be like them. I hate it when people try and impose their will and demands on me. I especially don't like it when people don't respect my privacy space.

I think the adage - "Be yourself" is inherently sound advice. All of us are unique people. We are who we are. Our personality defines us.
But to a certain extent - its also bad advice. I'd be the first to admit that there are certain aspects of my personality that I don't like and I would prefer to be changed. My habit of procrastination and clutter for example. I can also be very shy, withdrawn, too open, careless with my words etc..

We can be molded. We can be changed. We can be taught and learn new life skills. I think positive attempts at change should always be welcomed.

Yet, you have to ask yourself far more important questions - "who am I?" "what do I want?"

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