Wednesday, September 25, 2013

An "Eternity" Moment

Last night, I had an "eternity moment" - a touch with the divine if you like. What happened prior - I had spent the last hour and a half searching for my favorite Rayban sunglasses (ok, 1st World Problem, haha). Searched everywhere seven times over - I couldn't find them and my thoughts veered from frustration, irritation, despair to finally acceptance.

I've lost it. Its gone. @#$$!!!! I used to let such things upset me a lot but now I find that acceptance - after a short "grrr" moment - is a much more positive and healthier option.

"Oh no, another one lost...damnit!!!" and after awhile, "I hope it found a good home." End of story.

One man's lost is another man's treasure. That's how things goes. While I did lose something precious to me - at the same time, someone else made a good find. Its happened. It can't be reversed. That's how life is. I think sometimes its preordained. In Ecclesiastes its written that its the job for one man to gather and for another to use it.

Strangely at that moment of letting go, I started thinking about SJW. She's a friend whom I cared about but lost. We met. We connected. We shared intimate details about ourselves and for awhile I thought this would lead to something more. I had this eerie feeling that we were suppose to meet. 

One example - we were walking through a parking lot and there were Mercedes, BMWs, Maserati, Ferrai sports cars etc.. and suddenly she burst out excitedly, "OMG I love that car!!!!" And in the corner, there was a vintage VW Beetle, mid 1960s. The same car I drive (in Melbourne) and love; I mentioned it to her and she looked at me as if I was fibbing. Coincidences. Chance encounters. Is it possible that God or fate is showing us the dots so that we can draw it out? Or perhaps its just pure imagination - cloud gazing? A month after that she abruptly dropped out of my life and doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with me now. The shock and silence of rejection is soul chilling. 

But back to that moment, the Rayban brought into remembrance an incident when I took her out for lunch and we passed an old spectacle shop (where I bought my glasses from). She stopped and admired the Rayban display and wanted to go in. The image of her wearing the same but ridiculously oversized brown aviator glasses (same design as mine) came into my mind, she still looked hawt though.

After I had that recollection the parable of Luke 15 came into my mind .... 

 So Jesus told the pharisees this parable, saying, “What man among you, if he has a hundred sheep and has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open pasture and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!’ 7


and I felt God gently admonishing me "Hey, I care for her too." And then right on cue, as if to hammer home the point, I see my Raybans sitting in the other car in the garage which I didn't use (how it got there is another long story; see below).*

How odd. Coincidence? A Prophetic moment? Another "Join the dots" What does it mean??????? I've had prophetic moments and "eternity moments" in my life - some of them devastatingly accurate - others seemingly mirage like.  Whether this was a prescient moment or vulgar chance, I'm feeling really chill about the whole thing. It would be magical if this was indeed a prescient experience but I'm not so pollyannish to gamble my hopes onto an incident - at the same time I'm not so cynical as to snuff out the moment with contempt.

I'm leaning toward the magic factor - that God is reassuring me that its going to be OK, so chill. My feeling is that we shared a connection and she genuinely enjoyed my company. Something stuffed up afterwards but that does not detract from the affection we shared for each other. I actually felt strangely enough that God (or Fate) put us together on the same path for a reason. 

But chances are she would be really utterly bemused or worse creeped out if she was reading this now. I still don't really know what exactly turned her heart stone cold towards me. I can hazard guesses, but good as they may be - its purely speculative.

The positive thing I take away from this is I believe God has this under control. I'm happy a bit more content with whatever outcome He takes it - even if it means I never see her again. Awhile back ago, I actually sent her an email telling her that if she found a better man than "my joy would be complete and I'm happy that she's found happiness". Ridiculous from some people's point of view - but that's "me".

I believe that there is no such thing as coincidence. We meet each other for good or bad for a moment, an hour, a month, a year, for a season - and we impart our spirits and share ourselves with others. 

I shared a small season of joy with her and she shared what was her best - that I will treasure and remember. 

Time is precious. Your youth is especially valuable. Spend it wisely with people who love you and care for you. You don't get it back.

*OK. How the raybans got inside the other car is quite a story. It seems I had placed the sunglasses on top of the car and had forgotten about it. I was probably carrying the groceries from the garage or doing something there and just left them on top of the car carelessly. Later on- the car was driven off - with the sunglasses still ON TOP of the car. A couple of minutes later, the person who was driving the car said she (and she's partially deaf) heard it rattle off the roof where upon it landed on the edge of the car. She got out   and placed it inside the dashboard area. I find that absolutely amazing as it could have fallen off the car roof and neatly landed - instead of falling onto the road and got smashed.

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