You can't make this up: Australian justice in action

I reckon the man deserves a good beating for his attempt at his legal brief. But that's just me.

Charged with assaulting his girlfriend, Sydney man Jason Hall appears before Magistrate Hillary Hannam. At which point Mr Hall offers his considered legal opinion on proceedings:

How about I just plead guilty to the whole ****ing lot and just send me to gaol? I’m guilty on the whole lot. Send me to ****ing gaol you piece of ****. It’s **ing wrong. look, you’re a female . . .Of course you’re going to charge me. Of course you’re going to go against me because you’re female. ***** brief nothing. Just – I’m pleading guilty on the lot. Don’t worry about it. Change it right now, pleading guilty on the **ing lot. When I come back here in a week I don’t want to see you, you putrid ****. I would too if I was you, you **@# ***, @#$%ing dog, @#$% moll.

Later he had a change of mind - perhaps seeing his jail cell - and wrote a letter of "apology"

To the magistrait

I realy don’t know whot to say to you. I don’t remba much at all about the hole thing. All I can remba is going to hand my self in that day at Macfelds Police. Thay sed to me that I would get bail. So that’s wot I did handed myself in so I could sort this mes out.

Eneyway from that morning I was verey heavley on speed I was that high I did not no who I was that day and night frome court cells thay took me to Campbeltown Hospital. I don’t remba why. I whent thair for from hospital thay took me to Campbeltown cells it was to late to go into court when I got back to cells thay gave me my Azansa plus some other pill.

Arfter that I don’t have much memrey of it but when my girl frend red it to me I was verey discusted in whot Ive sed to you. Ive never told a juge of ever befor and Im verey sorry for whot I sed to you that day I realy am. I have a 2 year old girl and a 8 month old boy and one due in October 18 that will be three kids. My girl frend would not be able to 2 cope with 3 kids if Im put back into goal.

My father has only got 1 to four months to live as well Ive only just found this out about one munth ago.

I do not do drugs no more. I have bean of drugs for about 16 months. I am a lot betta since Ive bean of them. I hope you can understand my righting and speling as Ive had little schooling. I all so have hep C and liver problems Ive bean told that I have to go on Intafurone it is the same thing as keymo therpey. If Im jailed over this matta I carnt go on the program.

So pleas take my apolergey and sorry that is all I can remba of it. I carnt say its not my voice becouse it is but I did not mean to upset you in eney way at all or leav the court room. I was only gelty on one charge. That’s why I fort the other charge and beat it. I was more upset about whot Ive sed to you and Im verey sorry and I hope you take my apolegee. As I don’t whont to go back to jail.

As Ive bean out four 18 months and haven’t bean in trouble for eneything so pleas take my apolergey it is from my hart. Im verey sorry.

The court actually bought this apology. And the judge wrote back:

I note the apology of the defendant and the evidence that he gave. Both indicate contrition and remorse. I accept that the imposition of any further punishment upon him will in his particular circumstances be harsh. There is also the prospect that a reasonable and reasoned result from a court system with which he has had such unfortunate experiences may itself have an educative and rehabilitative effect upon him.

Honestly, how do you show respect to a system that is so utterly fubar?