Friday, April 25, 2008

Classic Insults

These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. If you like this sort of humor - you should watch period films like Pride and Prejudice (the BBC version starring Collin Firth), and Topsy Turvy: the Gilbert and Sullivan story and of course, the famous BlackAdder series.

Here are the insults:

The famous exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
Lady Astor to Churchill: 'If you were my husband I'd give you poison,'
Churchill to Lady Astor: 'M'dear, if you were my wife, I'd drink it.'

An MP to Prime Minister Disraeli: 'Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.'
Disraeli: 'That depends, Sir, whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.'

'I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great  pleasure.'- Clarence Darrow

'He can compress the most words into the smallest idea.' - Abraham Lincoln

'I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.' - Mark Twain

'He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.' - Oscar Wilde

'I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here.' - Stephen Bishop

'I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.' - Irvin S. Cobb

'Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?' - Mark Twain

'His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.' - Mae West

'Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.' -  Oscar Wilde

'He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination.' - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

She's the biggest show-off since Lady Godiva went to town claiming she had nothing to wear. - BlackAdder

No comments: