Sunday, November 03, 2013

Bullying : this too will pass

I found the story about the bullied girl who took her own life very sad and troubling. Her mother is now going to spend the rest of her life grieving - so to that extent I feel a bit of anger towards the girl for being so foolish as to succumb to depression and to kill herself.

Having said that - suicide is something I have thought about off and on - esp. when I get very depressed over a turn of events - and when the people who are close to me like my mother who is addicted to gambling hurt me deeply.

Some of the things that have helped me so far overcome bullying and depression is:

1. Prayer and my Christian faith in a God who loves me unconditionally.

2. Humor. You need to laugh things off. Disconnect. Watch a movie or something.

3. Disconnect. If you think too much over the problems - you will fall into despair and you will drown. So go for a walk. Switch off the computer. Stop reading all the horrible news and gossip. Get some physical exercise - if you can't run, walk. Exercise will make you feel happy.

When I was in primary and secondary school I was bullied a lot. I was mocked at, laughed at, physically attacked. I didn't have any friends in Primary school except for one asshole who made him his friend so that he could have someone to pick on. When I was in the boarding school I was mocked at mercilessly, ostracized. The pain of loneliness was excruciating - and made worse because as a damaged person I was unable to interact well with other people. If you get bullied, you tend to get emotionally damaged - I become withdrawn, shy, etc.. and that is very hard to overcome.

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away." Philip K. Dick

My Bible believing parents used to advice me to just ignore the problem/ bullies and it will all go away. Or go tell your teacher etc.. I found that sometimes the teachers used to sympathize with the bullies - esp if they were the popular kids in class.

And this whole notion of burying your head under the sand doesn't seem to help either. In fact sometimes it causes the bullies to try and push you further over the edge.

Sometimes it is practically impossible to ignore the bullying. As Philip Dick wrote - reality is something which you can't ignore even if you try to stop believing in it.

The power that bullies have over their victims varies - depending upon the environment. It is often worse if the bullies are very popular - hello Hitler, Stalin - and everyone seems to like them including the damn teachers/system.

Philip Dick also wrote: " today we live in a society in which spurious realities are manufactured by the media, (by various) groups. . . . What is real? Because unceasingly we are bombarded with pseudo-realities manufactured by very sophisticated people using very sophisticated electronic mechanisms. I do not distrust their motives; I distrust their power. They have a lot of it. And it is an astonishing power: that of creating whole universes, universes of the mind."

People will say you are clumsy, hopeless, stupid, ugly, lazy, a whore, a moron, a thief, a liar, a loser. And if they say it often enough you may even start believing it.

Bullying starts off within a realm of the mind. First it begins with words. Then with actions. Then it gains mob support or some form of authority, the good people shut up or follow along, and then it becomes really horrible.

Sometimes if it becomes too much you just gotta get away from the situation. Sometimes the opposition is just too strong! Everyone faces a Dunkirk someday. Change school. Take a holiday. Move to another city or country. Stop using fucking Facebook or change your account and privacy settings. Delete shit comments that people make about you. Do something radical that does not involve suicide.

But if you are stuck and can't get out. Then looks like you have to endure it. Do not let their taunts get to you - if possible laugh or mock at them back. Try and find friends who are supportive and do not treat you like shit. Stay away from fake-friends who do (treat you like shit). And know this - one day, you will get out of the situation somehow and you will be in a better place. Read the stories of people who experienced hardship but eventually pulled through to motivate you. But you won't experience this if you are dead.

The enemy wants to tear us down. They want to humiliate us. They want to destroy us. But we are not going to let them win. Its often a mind game. Don't let them get to you. Don't let them win.

No comments: