Friday, September 06, 2013
Niue South Pacific - the Dolphin and Whale chase
The Dolphin Swim at Niue August 2013 from Yauming Ymc on Vimeo.
Dolphin Swim at Niue closeup from Yauming Ymc on Vimeo.
Two years ago I went to Niue with my scuba diving buddy Spencer. Sometime back I had told him about this small island that sat in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, just at the start of the International Dateline.
To get there you fly to Auckland NZ then catch the morning flight on Saturday to Niue. But you arrive on Friday morning!!!! How funny is that? He couldn't stop laughing about it for a whole day after I told him about it - and later he found out that its a great diving location (apparently) to swim with whales and dolphins. And we went there in 2011.
We missed the humpback whales so I decided to try again this year 2013.
I asked a number of my scuba diving friends to come along - but I think this trip seemed too weird and too long for them. In the end I went alone.
I confess that I'm getting tired going on these solo trips - as wonderful as they may be. I've led a very solitary life virtually most of my life. I didn't have any good childhood friends. I was a loner at school - and going to to Boarding School in Australia when I was 14 was not a pleasant experience.
But that was in the past, I love good company and I'm an easy person to get along with. I can be witty and incredibly funny when I'm in the right track. But I can be shy, quiet and reflective too. I don't like to play games with people's minds and maybe that's my fault - that I'm too straight forward and direct.
I must admit I didn't enjoy the trip as much as I would have. A shadow loomed over it that wouldn't leave. A month earlier I had invited a friend along; initially she seemed delighted to go. To say that i was ecstatic was an understatement. But a week before the trip she cancelled without telling me why. And she stopped talking to me. The hurt and feeling of rejection was heart-breaking.
I still went of course. But every single irritation I felt on the trip was magnified.
1. The baggage holdup at the Niue airport
2. The torturous irritation of hearing the wild Rooster's crowing at 3 in the morning.
3. The weak enthusiasm from the other people on the zodiac boats.
4. The lack of actual close encounters with the whales!
But it still went OK. I swam with dolphins up close for one day. I had a few (brief and distant) encounters with the humpback whales. I swam with a mysterious shark. And I heard the whales sing underwater. Briefly I forgot about all my problems and enjoyed the moment. I was the first into the water each time. I always had my fins and mask strapped on ready to go. And I experienced the sheer joy of swimming in that clear blue azure sea - free diving deep into the water and swimming with those gorgeous dolphins.
I also made new friends. And for a change - I got kissed and propositioned to by a random drunk blonde at the Sushi bar (No I didn't. She wasn't my type). She seemed lonely like me. I felt sorry for her but I wasn't attracted to her at all.
Most people would have been overjoyed - I wish I could say the same. I know its a very stupid thing - ungrateful even - I'm experiencing something and living a lifestyle that most people dream about. But all I could feel when I got back to my bungalow at Niue was the word - "Alone". I'm fucking alone. This melancholy is inescapable.
How men and women communicate differently
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/04/01/6-ways-men-and-women-communicate-differently/
Men and women are different in many ways. They see the world through completely different perspectives. The key to understanding their differences is in the way that men and women communicate.
Here are six important communication differences that you should be aware of, to help improve your communications with your partner and make them smoother and more effective.
1. Why Talk?
He believes communication should have a clear purpose. Behind every conversation is a problem that needs solving or a point that needs to be made. Communication is used to get to the root of the dilemma as efficiently as possible.
She uses communication to discover how she is feeling and what it is she wants to say. She sees conversation as an act of sharing and an opportunity to increase intimacy with her partner. Through sharing, she releases negative feelings and solidifies her bond with the man she loves.
2. How Much Should You Say?
prioritizes productivity and efficiency in his daily life, and conversation is no exception. When he tells a story he has already sorted through the muck in his own head, and shares only those details that he deems essential to the point of the story. He might wonder, “Why do women need to talk as much as they do?” Often he will interrupt a woman once he has heard enough to offer a solution.
She uses communication to explore and organize her thoughts — to discover the point of the story. She may not know what information is necessary or excessive until the words come spilling out. But a woman isn’t necessarily searching for a solution when she initiates a conversation. She’s looking for someone to listen and understand what she’s feeling.
3. What Does It Mean To Listen?
He is conditioned to listen actively. When a woman initiates conversation he assumes she is seeking his advice or assistance. He engages with the woman, filtering everything she’s saying through the lens of, “What can we actually do about this?” Learning to listen patiently — not just passively — doesn’t come easily to him.
She sees conversation as a productive end in and of itself. If she feels sufficiently heard or understood she may not need to take further action to resolve a problem or “make things better.” The fact that she has been listened to assuages her anxieties and dulls the pangs of negative feelings. Sharing with someone who understands and loves her heals her from the inside and equips her with the emotional tools necessary to handle the trials and tribulations of the outside world.
4. When She Is Feeling Down …
He will want to tackle her problems head on, like a fireman. He feels impatient to put the fire out as quickly as possible. For him, the quickest way to put the fire out is by giving solutions. Because he wants so badly to provide for his spouse, he may take her mood personally and defend himself. He might hear things literally, not realizing that when his spouse is upset she will use words as tools to explore and express difficult emotions.
By using words as tools to explore and express her difficult emotions when she is upset, she is able to process her negative emotions and let them go. She values support and nurture, and is most fulfilled by sharing, cooperation and community. When he shows interest in her by asking caring questions or expressing heartfelt concerns she feels loved and cared for. He is fulfilling her first primary love need.
5. When He Is Feeling Down …
He will often withdraw into his “cave” (becoming quiet and withdrawn) when he’s upset or stressed. A man’s “cave time” is like a short vacation: he reduces stress by forgetting about his problems and focusing on other things like watching television, reading the newspaper, or playing video games.
He might avoid communication with his spouse during times of duress. If she persists with nurturing questions or criticism, he withdraws even further, fearing that his partner doesn’t trust him to take care of business on his own. However, with her support and understanding, a man will return and be more emotionally available, caring, and loving.
She might interpret her spouse’s silence as a sign that she is failing him or that she’s losing him. She instinctively tries to nurture him through his problems by asking an abundance of caring questions. Or she may react defensively out of fear that her own need for healthy open communication is not being respected within the relationship.
Ultimately, she can do more for him by appreciating his space, which shows him that she trusts him to work out the problem on his own. Trusting is one of the greatest gifts she has to offer him. In the meantime she should do something nurturing for herself, so she won’t resent him when he emerges from his “cave time.”
6. Communication Breaks Down When …
He feels like he’s being told what to do. The most important thing to a man is doing a good job. When his competence is questioned he’ll not only feel hurt, but he’ll throw up a wall of resistance, and communication begins to breakdown. He thrives in an environment where he’s the expert. Rather than being told, “You should do X” he is likely to respond better to, “What do you think of X?” The trick to improving him is to resist telling him what to do.
She hears from her spouse that her problems aren’t as real and pressing as they seem in that very moment. Her spouse may mistakenly think he’s being helpful in providing “reality checks” like: “You’re making a mountain out of a mole hill” or “You’re getting overly emotional about it.” To her it feels like he is attempting to minimize her feelings or talk her out of having them.
Men and women desire to satisfy their partners, but they may miss the mark because it is truly difficult to understand and accept our partner’s different ways of communication. Men and women need education on these differences to help their relationships, so they do not end up in a frustrated state of resentment and feel stuck.
If a couple is feeling stuck, I suggest they read or listen to couples self-help books together. If the couple still feels stuck, then they should always seek professional counseling and get back on the road to better understanding and communication.
Men and women are different in many ways. They see the world through completely different perspectives. The key to understanding their differences is in the way that men and women communicate.
Here are six important communication differences that you should be aware of, to help improve your communications with your partner and make them smoother and more effective.
1. Why Talk?
He believes communication should have a clear purpose. Behind every conversation is a problem that needs solving or a point that needs to be made. Communication is used to get to the root of the dilemma as efficiently as possible.
She uses communication to discover how she is feeling and what it is she wants to say. She sees conversation as an act of sharing and an opportunity to increase intimacy with her partner. Through sharing, she releases negative feelings and solidifies her bond with the man she loves.
2. How Much Should You Say?
prioritizes productivity and efficiency in his daily life, and conversation is no exception. When he tells a story he has already sorted through the muck in his own head, and shares only those details that he deems essential to the point of the story. He might wonder, “Why do women need to talk as much as they do?” Often he will interrupt a woman once he has heard enough to offer a solution.
She uses communication to explore and organize her thoughts — to discover the point of the story. She may not know what information is necessary or excessive until the words come spilling out. But a woman isn’t necessarily searching for a solution when she initiates a conversation. She’s looking for someone to listen and understand what she’s feeling.
3. What Does It Mean To Listen?
He is conditioned to listen actively. When a woman initiates conversation he assumes she is seeking his advice or assistance. He engages with the woman, filtering everything she’s saying through the lens of, “What can we actually do about this?” Learning to listen patiently — not just passively — doesn’t come easily to him.
She sees conversation as a productive end in and of itself. If she feels sufficiently heard or understood she may not need to take further action to resolve a problem or “make things better.” The fact that she has been listened to assuages her anxieties and dulls the pangs of negative feelings. Sharing with someone who understands and loves her heals her from the inside and equips her with the emotional tools necessary to handle the trials and tribulations of the outside world.
4. When She Is Feeling Down …
He will want to tackle her problems head on, like a fireman. He feels impatient to put the fire out as quickly as possible. For him, the quickest way to put the fire out is by giving solutions. Because he wants so badly to provide for his spouse, he may take her mood personally and defend himself. He might hear things literally, not realizing that when his spouse is upset she will use words as tools to explore and express difficult emotions.
By using words as tools to explore and express her difficult emotions when she is upset, she is able to process her negative emotions and let them go. She values support and nurture, and is most fulfilled by sharing, cooperation and community. When he shows interest in her by asking caring questions or expressing heartfelt concerns she feels loved and cared for. He is fulfilling her first primary love need.
5. When He Is Feeling Down …
He will often withdraw into his “cave” (becoming quiet and withdrawn) when he’s upset or stressed. A man’s “cave time” is like a short vacation: he reduces stress by forgetting about his problems and focusing on other things like watching television, reading the newspaper, or playing video games.
He might avoid communication with his spouse during times of duress. If she persists with nurturing questions or criticism, he withdraws even further, fearing that his partner doesn’t trust him to take care of business on his own. However, with her support and understanding, a man will return and be more emotionally available, caring, and loving.
She might interpret her spouse’s silence as a sign that she is failing him or that she’s losing him. She instinctively tries to nurture him through his problems by asking an abundance of caring questions. Or she may react defensively out of fear that her own need for healthy open communication is not being respected within the relationship.
Ultimately, she can do more for him by appreciating his space, which shows him that she trusts him to work out the problem on his own. Trusting is one of the greatest gifts she has to offer him. In the meantime she should do something nurturing for herself, so she won’t resent him when he emerges from his “cave time.”
6. Communication Breaks Down When …
He feels like he’s being told what to do. The most important thing to a man is doing a good job. When his competence is questioned he’ll not only feel hurt, but he’ll throw up a wall of resistance, and communication begins to breakdown. He thrives in an environment where he’s the expert. Rather than being told, “You should do X” he is likely to respond better to, “What do you think of X?” The trick to improving him is to resist telling him what to do.
She hears from her spouse that her problems aren’t as real and pressing as they seem in that very moment. Her spouse may mistakenly think he’s being helpful in providing “reality checks” like: “You’re making a mountain out of a mole hill” or “You’re getting overly emotional about it.” To her it feels like he is attempting to minimize her feelings or talk her out of having them.
Men and women desire to satisfy their partners, but they may miss the mark because it is truly difficult to understand and accept our partner’s different ways of communication. Men and women need education on these differences to help their relationships, so they do not end up in a frustrated state of resentment and feel stuck.
If a couple is feeling stuck, I suggest they read or listen to couples self-help books together. If the couple still feels stuck, then they should always seek professional counseling and get back on the road to better understanding and communication.
Wednesday, September 04, 2013
Jamie Ang Betty White Nude Photo Scandal
Earlier this year Jamie Ang, a Singapore FHM Cover Girl model, was unfortunately way deep in a nude photo scandal. Privately taken photos of her were taken by a photographer and also her angmo (white) boyfriend and circulated without her permission around the internet.
For visitors unfamiliar with Singapore - you just need to know that its a conservative society in many regards. Nude photographs are illegal in Singapore. Even the Playboy website is
banned by the Govt censors. Far too many Singaporeans take a harsh
puritanical and cruel view of such scandals. Sexual impropriety is regarded by mainstream society with a sort of Victorian Society prudishness. Sadly, many citizens take a sick perverse glee in mocking the individuals - usually females - involved - the reaction is similar to how ancient spectators viewed blood sports - peppered with plenty of misogynistic comments.
What I find awful is how men and women would make fun of the girls - gawk at their photos - post horrible comments about them - literally flaying them verbally. I take the view - if you don't like it - don't look at it. What has she done to you? I don't get the outrage. Then again I hate pharisees.
Meanwhile - the photographer and boyfriend whose names are also known - don't really rate a mention. It reminds me of the story of the woman caught in adultery in the Bible. The crowd wanted to stone her but wtf was the dude?
It would be quaint to blame the old British colonial establishment for this attitude - but really, Asian societies are very patriarchal and anyone that steps outside the bounds,especially if you are not rich or well connected, get mocked and ridiculed mercilessly.
This sort of very parochial attitude is going to shadow this girl's life in our small island nation state for a long time. Singapore is very much a pressure cooker society. (Everyone is being forced from an early age to do well at school so that they can achieve success in thisrat-race competitive meritocracy society. People who don't do so well academically face a lifetime in poor paying jobs - kept low by the fact that the richly paid govt officials continue to allow in massive numbers of foreign workers into the country keeping workers' wages low.)
The photographers who leaked the photos ought to be imprisoned - they've in effect ruined the life of the poor young girl. They aren't the ones who are going to bear the embarrassment and the shame even if their faces and identities are shown. Its going to be very difficult for her to show her face in public in Singapore or to even foreign places where there are Singaporean and Malaysians around without risking open ridicule. Asians can be utterly heartless people.
I hate this sort of scandal as it stinks of the old witchcraft and adultery trials of ancient times. Usually the unfortunate woman bears the brunt of the public and official outrage whereas the men who were involved get away scot-free; even if they actively participate in the female's humiliation. A special place in the worst pits of hell should be reserved for such villains.
I hope that Jamie can make a full recovery from this and make a better life for herself. Everyone makes mistakes or have done things which they may regret later. To suffer and be condemned for such an incident for the rest of your life is just not right.
(On the mirror side - we see something similar happening to the men caught in the recent underage 17 year old escort scandal.)
Having said that - this sort of folly should not condemn the life of a young girl. Check out Betty White - yes, THAT BETTY WHITE from the Golden Girls fame. She did nude photos in her younger days back in the 1930s - you look at this and you might consider this tame. But that was over decades years ago when "moral standards" were very "high" and even the sight of a woman's shoulder in public was considered risque.
You remember Ms White don't you? Here's a more recent photo.
No joke. That's the same girl - from the Golden Girls TV series fame... albeit much older and of course with clothes on. haha.
Betty White managed to overcome her nude photo scandal and eventually became one of the most trusted celebrities in America.
Having said that America is a different larger (and more forgiving) society compared to Singapore. But its good to see that people can overcome personal scandals in their lives.
I hope Ms Ang can do the same. Everyone including yours truly has made terrible mistakes (and still making them) - you just have to say like Winston Churchill, "Bugger them!" and get a good night's sleep and try and recover the next day. Everyone suffers setbacks and failures - Churchill who lost his fortune during the Stock Market crash of 1929 - and lived with the shame of many military disasters (which resulted in the deaths of ten of thousands of young men). But he pushed on to become a great national leader. People like Steve Jobs got sacked from Apple back in the 1990s - it would have been easy for him to spiral into depression and drug abuse afterwards, but he got back in the end.
***
My attitude towards sex and pornography is that - its natural. What is more natural that a naked human being? Why have we come to regard the human body as unclean, dirty, sinful? We're sexual beings and have specific desires. There are certain things which turn men and women on. In general - yes, we desire companionship, we desire to be loved. But there are aspects that vary between the genders. With regard to pornography - men are visual beings - and many men get aroused by naked images of women. Women are beautiful - a naked woman more so. On the flip side, a lot of women get turned on by powerful dominant men. For most women their version of porn is seeing a successful, tall athletic handsome man dressed confidently in a well tailored business suit. That's cool. Yes, there are innate differences between men and women. And perhaps its time to accept our differences and to regard each other compassionately - instead of with judgement.
What I find awful is how men and women would make fun of the girls - gawk at their photos - post horrible comments about them - literally flaying them verbally. I take the view - if you don't like it - don't look at it. What has she done to you? I don't get the outrage. Then again I hate pharisees.
Meanwhile - the photographer and boyfriend whose names are also known - don't really rate a mention. It reminds me of the story of the woman caught in adultery in the Bible. The crowd wanted to stone her but wtf was the dude?
It would be quaint to blame the old British colonial establishment for this attitude - but really, Asian societies are very patriarchal and anyone that steps outside the bounds,especially if you are not rich or well connected, get mocked and ridiculed mercilessly.
This sort of very parochial attitude is going to shadow this girl's life in our small island nation state for a long time. Singapore is very much a pressure cooker society. (Everyone is being forced from an early age to do well at school so that they can achieve success in this
The photographers who leaked the photos ought to be imprisoned - they've in effect ruined the life of the poor young girl. They aren't the ones who are going to bear the embarrassment and the shame even if their faces and identities are shown. Its going to be very difficult for her to show her face in public in Singapore or to even foreign places where there are Singaporean and Malaysians around without risking open ridicule. Asians can be utterly heartless people.
I hate this sort of scandal as it stinks of the old witchcraft and adultery trials of ancient times. Usually the unfortunate woman bears the brunt of the public and official outrage whereas the men who were involved get away scot-free; even if they actively participate in the female's humiliation. A special place in the worst pits of hell should be reserved for such villains.
I hope that Jamie can make a full recovery from this and make a better life for herself. Everyone makes mistakes or have done things which they may regret later. To suffer and be condemned for such an incident for the rest of your life is just not right.
(On the mirror side - we see something similar happening to the men caught in the recent underage 17 year old escort scandal.)
Having said that - this sort of folly should not condemn the life of a young girl. Check out Betty White - yes, THAT BETTY WHITE from the Golden Girls fame. She did nude photos in her younger days back in the 1930s - you look at this and you might consider this tame. But that was over decades years ago when "moral standards" were very "high" and even the sight of a woman's shoulder in public was considered risque.
Betty White managed to overcome her nude photo scandal and eventually became one of the most trusted celebrities in America.
Having said that America is a different larger (and more forgiving) society compared to Singapore. But its good to see that people can overcome personal scandals in their lives.
I hope Ms Ang can do the same. Everyone including yours truly has made terrible mistakes (and still making them) - you just have to say like Winston Churchill, "Bugger them!" and get a good night's sleep and try and recover the next day. Everyone suffers setbacks and failures - Churchill who lost his fortune during the Stock Market crash of 1929 - and lived with the shame of many military disasters (which resulted in the deaths of ten of thousands of young men). But he pushed on to become a great national leader. People like Steve Jobs got sacked from Apple back in the 1990s - it would have been easy for him to spiral into depression and drug abuse afterwards, but he got back in the end.
***
My attitude towards sex and pornography is that - its natural. What is more natural that a naked human being? Why have we come to regard the human body as unclean, dirty, sinful? We're sexual beings and have specific desires. There are certain things which turn men and women on. In general - yes, we desire companionship, we desire to be loved. But there are aspects that vary between the genders. With regard to pornography - men are visual beings - and many men get aroused by naked images of women. Women are beautiful - a naked woman more so. On the flip side, a lot of women get turned on by powerful dominant men. For most women their version of porn is seeing a successful, tall athletic handsome man dressed confidently in a well tailored business suit. That's cool. Yes, there are innate differences between men and women. And perhaps its time to accept our differences and to regard each other compassionately - instead of with judgement.
Reposts: Life tips
I read this : http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/11-life-hacks-for-the-emotionally-struggling-20-something/#6EjEqem4Sol8qY76.01
I don't agree with everything in the article. But Weist's article is worth reading. This is an edited extract. You can read the full article in the link above.
I know these are the things I learned to hone
in on every day and of which have brought me unprecedented happiness.
By this I do not mean a sustained state of joy. I mean contentment; the
ability to flow through emotions and the ins-and-outs and
disappointments and numbing routines of everyday life; how to transcend
them. How to garner your mindset to focus on a greater purpose, and to
be able to have unfailing and even reckless faith and trust that the
universe knows better than you do. Of course, getting to this place is a
journey. I believe here is where you start.
1. You will not feel better tomorrow if you don’t figure out what’s wrong today. Tomorrow, and all the wonders the future can bring, is an optical illusion that is rooted in your mind’s capability of deceiving itself into the idea that after a cycle of the earth’s rotation things will be different. Less literally, if you can’t enjoy what you have now, you are not in the right mindset to enjoy anything else. I’m sure you can attest to this in your own life as you see how the things you once lusted after, that are now yours, somehow seem ordinary and routine. It is because you received them without knowing how to enjoy them. If you want to break the cycle, start putting your energy toward reaching a nirvana state and embracing what is, and loving it for that. What’s even greater about this is that the more you do so, the more you will see coming to you.
2. It’s difficult to say goodbye in the digital age. You can’t keep spending all of your time and energy into the black hole that is the unresolved and unwilling. More than that, with the rise of social media, it’s increasingly difficult to not compare your life to other people’s. Unfortunately, on these platforms, people are always presenting the bits and pieces of their lives that are incredibly fortunate and great. It makes that person feel better, and either annoys or makes everybody else feel substandard. It’s a ruthless cycle, and you have to pluck yourself out of it.
3. You have to not only infuse your life with the little things that will make you enjoy your day, but also learn to free yourself from your thoughts that keep you in confines from enjoying said things. The major, overarching aspects of your life will always retreat to the background, and become the platform for your day. They will not be the things that capture your wonder and attention, this is reserved for the small miracles, and yes, they are miracles. It’s the cliches, even, the cup of coffee and a book in bed on a Sunday morning, meeting an old friend for lunch, receiving a text or email from someone you love. Being able to touch someone’s day and go home knowing you did something for this world. This is what life is about because your life could end in the next hour and these are the things you will have cherished.
4. Your life won’t change in a day. Mindfully incorporate “healthy” practices into your life until they become routine. Please note, that by saying “healthy” I’m not trying to preach that you should run a half marathon every three months and only eat Paleo. I mean learn to breathe deeply. Think Deeply. Learn to recognize the difference between your physical body and the person who inhabits it. The latter is who you really are. Drink water, you need it. Move and use the senses you were given: walk, read, speak, stretch. You won’t always be able to.
5. Re-teach yourself how to feel. You’re often too molded by your past experiences to go forth in the best way possible. Fighting those things is what gives them their power. So you’re sad today. It will pass. Appreciate why you’re sad. It means you care enough about something to feel badly about it. Don’t devalue or write off your emotions, they only have to be felt to be valid. It doesn’t matter how “silly” it is or inconsequential whatever you are upset over is. Learn to apply this mindset to other people as well. Stop belittling people for what they do and don’t feel. Realize that even though experiences are different, what we feel pertaining to them usually aren’t. It’s when we become numb that we really have a problem.
6. When you reach the point that you can appreciate the wonder in every one of your feelings, you will start realizing that there is more to life than just “happiness.” Every part of it has it’s wonders. What’s better than “happiness” is fascination, and interest, and commitment to maintaining light and love within yourself. Every situation is dimensional, and when you start realizing the possibility in any given situation, you will start understanding what it means to be alive.
7. I think that when people say “be grateful” and “appreciate what you have” they are entirely neglecting the fact that doing so is incredibly difficult when you’re not in the mindset that appreciates anything whatsoever. In my experience, it’s best to focus on one thing at a time. Be mindful of what your life would be like if you didn’t have that thing. Your eyesight, a home, etc. I think it’s far more effective to consider what life would be like without something than to just acknowledge that not everybody is privileged in that way. You have to go deeper.
8. Vulnerability may be the most underestimated human experience. Don’t be afraid to say you messed up, people will always be more understanding of those who admit their faults than of those who pretend as though they don’t have any. There’s an unprecedented opportunity for connection when people unapologetically admit to their human condition.
9. Although people’s opinions shouldn’t matter, they do, and may always, so it’s better to figure out a way that you can filter what people are saying, try to see if they have anything of value to offer, but always be grounded in your own beliefs. Always. We will probably always be at the whim of our innate need for the love and acceptance of others. Instead of fighting that fact and pressing the idea that nobody else’s ideas matter, we’re better off figuring out how we feel first, and then trying to understand where someone is coming from if they say something that is less-than-pleasing to hear. The truth is, it’s usually rooted in their own dissatisfaction.
10. Know that this path will not be easy. Nothing worthwhile, genuinely changing or in the human experience ever is. That’s okay. It all serves a purpose far greater than your immediate satisfaction. We live in a culture that has built it’s foundations on the concept of instant gratification in the physical, material sense. Following and subscribing to this philosophy only pulls us farther and farther from our natural states. It’s difficult, yes, because it surrounds us. But you will continue in your cycle of discontentment until you learn otherwise. Often, the catalyst of this becoming is something traumatic, and what is produced in the aftermath shows us why our lives are infused with just the right amount of “misfortune.” In a more beautiful phrasing than I could ever write:
I don't agree with everything in the article. But Weist's article is worth reading. This is an edited extract. You can read the full article in the link above.
11 Life Hacks For The Emotionally Struggling 20-Something
By
1. You will not feel better tomorrow if you don’t figure out what’s wrong today. Tomorrow, and all the wonders the future can bring, is an optical illusion that is rooted in your mind’s capability of deceiving itself into the idea that after a cycle of the earth’s rotation things will be different. Less literally, if you can’t enjoy what you have now, you are not in the right mindset to enjoy anything else. I’m sure you can attest to this in your own life as you see how the things you once lusted after, that are now yours, somehow seem ordinary and routine. It is because you received them without knowing how to enjoy them. If you want to break the cycle, start putting your energy toward reaching a nirvana state and embracing what is, and loving it for that. What’s even greater about this is that the more you do so, the more you will see coming to you.
2. It’s difficult to say goodbye in the digital age. You can’t keep spending all of your time and energy into the black hole that is the unresolved and unwilling. More than that, with the rise of social media, it’s increasingly difficult to not compare your life to other people’s. Unfortunately, on these platforms, people are always presenting the bits and pieces of their lives that are incredibly fortunate and great. It makes that person feel better, and either annoys or makes everybody else feel substandard. It’s a ruthless cycle, and you have to pluck yourself out of it.
3. You have to not only infuse your life with the little things that will make you enjoy your day, but also learn to free yourself from your thoughts that keep you in confines from enjoying said things. The major, overarching aspects of your life will always retreat to the background, and become the platform for your day. They will not be the things that capture your wonder and attention, this is reserved for the small miracles, and yes, they are miracles. It’s the cliches, even, the cup of coffee and a book in bed on a Sunday morning, meeting an old friend for lunch, receiving a text or email from someone you love. Being able to touch someone’s day and go home knowing you did something for this world. This is what life is about because your life could end in the next hour and these are the things you will have cherished.
4. Your life won’t change in a day. Mindfully incorporate “healthy” practices into your life until they become routine. Please note, that by saying “healthy” I’m not trying to preach that you should run a half marathon every three months and only eat Paleo. I mean learn to breathe deeply. Think Deeply. Learn to recognize the difference between your physical body and the person who inhabits it. The latter is who you really are. Drink water, you need it. Move and use the senses you were given: walk, read, speak, stretch. You won’t always be able to.
5. Re-teach yourself how to feel. You’re often too molded by your past experiences to go forth in the best way possible. Fighting those things is what gives them their power. So you’re sad today. It will pass. Appreciate why you’re sad. It means you care enough about something to feel badly about it. Don’t devalue or write off your emotions, they only have to be felt to be valid. It doesn’t matter how “silly” it is or inconsequential whatever you are upset over is. Learn to apply this mindset to other people as well. Stop belittling people for what they do and don’t feel. Realize that even though experiences are different, what we feel pertaining to them usually aren’t. It’s when we become numb that we really have a problem.
6. When you reach the point that you can appreciate the wonder in every one of your feelings, you will start realizing that there is more to life than just “happiness.” Every part of it has it’s wonders. What’s better than “happiness” is fascination, and interest, and commitment to maintaining light and love within yourself. Every situation is dimensional, and when you start realizing the possibility in any given situation, you will start understanding what it means to be alive.
7. I think that when people say “be grateful” and “appreciate what you have” they are entirely neglecting the fact that doing so is incredibly difficult when you’re not in the mindset that appreciates anything whatsoever. In my experience, it’s best to focus on one thing at a time. Be mindful of what your life would be like if you didn’t have that thing. Your eyesight, a home, etc. I think it’s far more effective to consider what life would be like without something than to just acknowledge that not everybody is privileged in that way. You have to go deeper.
8. Vulnerability may be the most underestimated human experience. Don’t be afraid to say you messed up, people will always be more understanding of those who admit their faults than of those who pretend as though they don’t have any. There’s an unprecedented opportunity for connection when people unapologetically admit to their human condition.
9. Although people’s opinions shouldn’t matter, they do, and may always, so it’s better to figure out a way that you can filter what people are saying, try to see if they have anything of value to offer, but always be grounded in your own beliefs. Always. We will probably always be at the whim of our innate need for the love and acceptance of others. Instead of fighting that fact and pressing the idea that nobody else’s ideas matter, we’re better off figuring out how we feel first, and then trying to understand where someone is coming from if they say something that is less-than-pleasing to hear. The truth is, it’s usually rooted in their own dissatisfaction.
10. Know that this path will not be easy. Nothing worthwhile, genuinely changing or in the human experience ever is. That’s okay. It all serves a purpose far greater than your immediate satisfaction. We live in a culture that has built it’s foundations on the concept of instant gratification in the physical, material sense. Following and subscribing to this philosophy only pulls us farther and farther from our natural states. It’s difficult, yes, because it surrounds us. But you will continue in your cycle of discontentment until you learn otherwise. Often, the catalyst of this becoming is something traumatic, and what is produced in the aftermath shows us why our lives are infused with just the right amount of “misfortune.” In a more beautiful phrasing than I could ever write:
“I think that we are like stars. Something happens to burst us open; but when we burst open and think we are dying; we’re actually turning into a supernova. And then when we look at ourselves again, we see that we’re suddenly more beautiful than we ever were before.” ― C. JoyBell C.11. Sometimes you will be overcome with emotion, so much so that you feel as though you are panicking and you can’t move on. Sometimes you don’t even know why you feel the way you do, or you can’t understand why something so mundane would evoke such a reaction. It is because when it comes to our feelings, there is always more than what meets the surface. This is not so with our thoughts, and that is where the confusion comes in. There are two things that everybody has to learn in this regard and it’s how to let them infiltrate, overcome you, and then gently pass, and how, afterwards, to dig into what it is that you are really upset about. Deal with that issue. It may be as simple as changing your mindset or as complicated as changing your lifestyle.
Tuesday, September 03, 2013
Discover Iran - Mandy Tay
Mandy Tay - a Singaporean girl - takes a tour of Iran by herself and gets a lovely adventure.
It looks great!!! I love the beautiful mosaic mosques.
But. I wouldn't advice any woman to travel to the Middle East alone as their misogynistic culture basically assumes that any women or women traveling without a male husband/father companion is automatically "a free meal", "a piece of meat", "slut/whore", etc.. All my female friends who travel there get harassed by total strangers/ Arab men for sex.
Look its the truth. That's their culture. Women there are regarded as chattel - men's property. In their culture, if you belong to a man, esp. a strong man who can protect you, you are safe. But if you do not - you are essentially free game for all the inbred morons there who at the sight of a lone female get horny.
However maybe its different in Iran. They are Persians. Maybe their culture is different? But during the Islamic Revolution - all sorts of brutal stories emerged.
Anyway. I need to go out and travel more. Iran is definitely on my to-do-list.
Sunday, September 01, 2013
Father's Day 1st September 2013
Today is Father's Day in Australia. I want to remember my father.
He was a good Christian man. He was upright willing to help strangers in need He was honorable and decent. He just wanted to do the right thing. He did his best to uphold the peace and did not bear grudges. He prayed daily and served in a major role at church.
But we weren't close.
I think I was a big disappointment to my dad. I am so unlike him. I wasn't academically brilliant. I did not have the drive to study hard - and memorizing facts and details was too hard for me.
When I was about 10 or 12 years old I approached my dad to help with a math problem I had. I couldn't understand it.
My dad had a PhD in Chemical Engineering- he belonged to the old pull yourself up by the bootstraps sort of man. He worked his way into University and survived by doing part time work to keep himself at school. Due to the war he missed out 4 years of schooling - but he had determination and will power.
I'm not him. I needed help. I needed guidance. I needed a father figure to lean on.
Unfortunately he wasn't the man to turn to.
I remember - and will always remember the look of absolute disgust that he showed when I asked him for help.
And he said, "Go and learn it yourself."
I was shocked. Here I am. Your son. Your only son and I'm asking you for help. And here you are refusing to help. I'm fucked now. And I wept.
I think in the end he relented but it was just painful humiliation. He drew out the equations and mocked my inability to understand or grasp it. He might as well have fucked me in the arse.
He was a good Christian man. He was upright willing to help strangers in need He was honorable and decent. He just wanted to do the right thing. He did his best to uphold the peace and did not bear grudges. He prayed daily and served in a major role at church.
But we weren't close.
I think I was a big disappointment to my dad. I am so unlike him. I wasn't academically brilliant. I did not have the drive to study hard - and memorizing facts and details was too hard for me.
When I was about 10 or 12 years old I approached my dad to help with a math problem I had. I couldn't understand it.
My dad had a PhD in Chemical Engineering- he belonged to the old pull yourself up by the bootstraps sort of man. He worked his way into University and survived by doing part time work to keep himself at school. Due to the war he missed out 4 years of schooling - but he had determination and will power.
I'm not him. I needed help. I needed guidance. I needed a father figure to lean on.
Unfortunately he wasn't the man to turn to.
I remember - and will always remember the look of absolute disgust that he showed when I asked him for help.
And he said, "Go and learn it yourself."
I was shocked. Here I am. Your son. Your only son and I'm asking you for help. And here you are refusing to help. I'm fucked now. And I wept.
I think in the end he relented but it was just painful humiliation. He drew out the equations and mocked my inability to understand or grasp it. He might as well have fucked me in the arse.
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