I had a pretty horrid dream last night. I was having another quarrel with my mum who has a serious gambling problem. I woke up when I said the words, "I'm in hell." repeatedly.
Fortunately lately things are reasonably alright. She is trying to restrain her gambling habit and doesn't rush off the to Taberat each time she gets upset.
We had a funny conversation as she got into her car to drive to church. She mentioned that one of the female church goers was extremely sad because of the sudden death of one the other parishioners.
I don't think they were close. But they have the same heart problem and the same doctor. Plus she's older.
Recently my mother had (what may be) a mini-stroke. And perhaps she's also contemplating death. Maybe it will give her a better perspective of life.
So many things to do and she chooses the most useless one - gambling and quarreling over insignificant issues to spend her time on.
Jade told me that face is the all important issue with the older generation - to be honest, I have little respect for my mother. She was given so much and she has literally squandered it all on the altar of her pride. And rather than facing up to her utter stupidity she chooses to blame others (me) for it when I was the one warning her that her decisions would lead to disaster.
I've refrained from telling her "I told you so" even though I'm totally justified in doing it. There is no point as it will just anger her and drive her further to the brink of insanity.
Deep down she knows what she has done is wrong. But she doesn't have the courage to leap over her pride (face) and face up to it.
Sometimes I feel like a passenger in a car driven by a drunk driver. We've just passed a petrol station and the drunk is asking me for cash to fill up petrol (and for more booze). Passer-bys yell at me to give her the cash and to shut up. Its 4am and I'm feeling tired.