"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know". Jeremiah 33:3



There are some verses in the Bible that stand out positively. This is one of them.

Of course if you read the context of the verse it is about God having a conversation with Jeremiah about the judgement of the nation of Israel and its subsequent redemption - the usual "I'll whoop their arses and rescue them later etc..."

But the fundamental truth stands out - the crucial thing is this awesome reply from God.

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."

My old pastor from Swanston Street once said - we don't need to ask God for any more answers - we have all the answers we need in the Bible. Anything else - anything outside the Bible - prohecies, word of knowledge etc.. was borderline heretical to him. Everything ended with the Book of Revelation. I think he's mistaken.

He fails to see that we as Christians don't worship a book - even if the book is considered the Word of God.

God is more than the sum of a book. We're talking about a God who made the Universe, all of creation as we see it. How can you encapsulate a God in a book written by infallible human beings - even if they were divinely inspired? Some of the stuff written in the Bible - esp. genocide and eternal damnation vs a God of love - causes some Christians to go through a lot of illogical loops of explanation.

God is more than a book. Just as a person is a lot more than a biography book. Above all - God is an actual person. Well, not a human being, not a mortal most definitely. But He or It is an intelligent living entity who has human like emotions such as love, hate, jealousy, patience, and rage.

God above all else does want to speak to you and have a conversation with you - and not just "great and mysterious (or unsearchable) things but in everything.

He didn't just send His One and Only Begotten Son to get crucified on the cross so that we can go to heavens and play with harps.

He did it so that we can return back to "Eden" - to a time and place where we can walk - hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder with our Creator - to talk to Him, to have fellowship with Him, to be His friend face to face.

There may be problems in our lives - sins even - I got a bagful of them - but I believe they are small compared to what God has in store for us.

Some people ask - how do I keep so young? I'm 44 but I look like I'm more like 30 so everyone says. I pray. I pray everyday, every minute sometimes. I maintain a communion with God even if I'm angry with Him. I ask Him questions. I insult Him. I berate Him. I enjoy His presence when I feel it or claim it by faith when I don't. But above all else I'm honest with my God - and humble.

I call to my God and He does answer me. Some replies just take some time to come.

Talking to Preachers

There is nothing more annoying than talking to a Preacher - ie someone who has a fixed view of the world and just wants to ram down his particular brand of gospel down your throat.

For once - try and see things from my point of view? Isn't my point of view valid? Don't I also have a fucking right to live a normal life?

Evidently not to some of my friends. Well, FML.

Melbourne Winter - its 5C.

I've been waking up really early the past couple of weeks. Usually its because my body is trying to use my blanket to pitch a tent. I feel unusually energetic. Been going running a fair bit. But it does take a big motivational push for me to just go in this winter weather.

Its Winter now in Melbourne. Temperature was around 5C last night. You can catch a cold just by going to the bathroom.

Still, waiting up in the early morning represents something unusual for me.

The build up in exercise and the ease in which I'm starting to do chin ups is also pretty amazing. I feel better than I have felt in years.

I think this change over me might be attributed to this girl I met in Singapore. She's pretty. She's young. Whats more important she has a charming personality. And she likes the same sort of strange stuff I like - old houses, vintage porcelain, art, and Wes Anderson films - good heavens, I proposed to her on the spot (in jest) when I heard that. She laughed. We are so alike.

I click with her. But I'm not so sure that she clicks with me. She has certainly done things which makes me think she does. The sort of things about her life that she shares with me. The trust that she places upon me.

Endearing, absolutely.

Unfortunately I tend to fuck things up. I talk too much. I reveal too much stupid information about myself and generally, as one of my friends observe behave like a 13 year old. In my defense, its been a long while since I've had some form of a relationship with a female. I said things to her which made her feel uncomfortable. Maybe it was the super-detail updates of my life, maybe it was the 10+ poems I sent her.

I can't help it. Some guys burp. Some guys buy flowers. I write poetry when I like someone. It just happens.

She's backing off now and there's not a thing I can do about it.

To me that's the frustrating part. She's overseas as well.

And the more shit I sent to her the more distant she will get.

I hope she just wants sometime alone to think.

We don't exactly have a normal relationship. And she had a huge tragic breakup last year. I also need some freaking direction in my life now as I'm finding myself unable to live in Australia any more. Both of us are not ready for anything concrete I don't think.

So I surrendered myself to the fact that she has her own mind. And that right now she needs to decide where she wants to go.

To be honest I'm happy that we remain just friends. I'd really get upset if she determined in her mind that I was a creep and refused to see me or even talk to me. I don't want to lose our friendship even if she decided to see someone else.

I guess I'm in love. But she doesn't feel the same way - and that's OK. I gotta step my emotions down a bit. And so I've decided to even stop texting her and wait for her reply. Its been about 4 days since her last reply.


Its all a bit agonizing. But yeah, I'm letting go and working at being at peace with whatever outcome - good or bad.

Not going to attend church any more

This is a follow up to my earlier post about not going to church.

I think one of the most depressing things about going to church are meeting Christians who are so far removed from the Christian ideal that I think patrons of bars and night clubs behave much better than them.

I find it appalling that people who are claiming that the Bible is the Word of God behave worse than heathens.

I mean - what's the point of going to church then?

Really, real live pharisees.

I'm not going to church anymore

I've decided I no longer wish to be a part of the "I believe the Bible, the whole Bible is the Word of God" church - ie. churches which fully hold to the belief that the Bible in its entirety is the manifest Word of God.

In short:

1. I worship a living God not a book written by secretaries.

2. I am sick to death of trying to defend the indefensible and trying to do a PR spin on what I consider absolutely sickening episodes in the Bible.

3. I no longer have to put up with people who believe in it nor do I have to tolerate their utter bullshit talks about it.

I don't want to be a Spin Doctor for God

As Christians we are suppose to defend God, the Bible and the Christian movement when faced with criticism.

But I'm sick and tired of defending what I find indefensible in the Bible.

There is no way I'm going to defend the genocide of all those people that the Israelites massacred on their way to the Promised Land.

I DON'T GET IT!!!! Why does God want his people to do his dirty work for him??? All He has to do is to shut up the wombs of his enemies, causes fire and brimstone to fall on them, turn them into pillars of salt, cause them to all die from some incurable disease.

Why? Why did God ask his people to kill women, children and even babies.

Any of you disagree with this - consider this - if you do believe this is true - then You would have no compunction to go out and slaughter your entire neighborhood if YHWH told you to - or go kill your relative's entire family - including his kids because he stole something and disobeyed God. Think about that.

Dressing up

I dress like a bum. I like to dress casual - cotton shorts, a nice fitting tee shirt - slippers.

But there is another extreme to me. I love to dress up for the occasion. I enjoy putting on a perfect tailor made suit and contours itself to my body. I love feeling that pinch in my waistcoat - its like your own personal body conscious made manifest!!

I also really appreciate the joy that I can see in other people's eyes when they see me well dressed. The women and young ladies turn their heads or dart their eyes sideways to look. Even the old Dowagers nod their heads with approval. And that makes me happy.

You can call it vanity if you wish. It seems anything that makes you feel good is considered sinful by conservative Christians.

But the desire for appreciation is strong in me - deeply ingrained in my psyche.

One of my most vivid childhood memories was this - my mother told me to comb my hair and make myself presentable. I obediently went to do it. Washed my hair a bit, combed it nicely and as a last second decision - patted my hair with a towel.

I walked out proudly to my mum and dad who were both seated. My mum asked me "Have you combed your hair?" And I answered with affirmation, "Yes I did."

And then she reached over and slapped me hard in the face. The sting and the shock caused me to immediately burst into tears and I ran off, crying.

My father turned to my mother and whispered something disapproving of her act.

It turned out that when I patted my hair with the towel - the towel had caused parts of my hair to get ruffled. But I didn't check. My mother thought I was just being insolent.... but surely she could see my honesty?

I can't forget that incident. And there are many more like it.